"Wrap that Rascal!"

by John B. Anderson

My father, Carl was a druggist and Faye, my mother, was a teacher. Sometimes Faye was a superintendent of schools for the Cooks School District. She was a full time English teacher, French teacher, substitute teacher and full time superintendent, all at once. The school maintenance man, Orville, was also a school board member at that time. The Cooks School now sometimes stores hay for a local farmer.

Carl's job as a druggist was more fun. On one occasion, the sales representative from the Dean Rubber Manufacturing Company stopped in to push his condom products. He presented my dad with an oversized condom that was approximately 10 inches long, with a diameter of about three inches. On its side was stamped, “MEDIUM”. What an opportunity for mischief!

One of Carl's buddies stopped in the drug store a few days later to purchase some condoms. In those days, the rubbers were stashed discretely back by the pharmacy counter, apparently so some of us teens weren't encouraged to be bad. My dad's friend said, “Give me a dozen Trojan's, Carl.”

My dad asked, “What size do you prefer? Small, medium or large?”

“Heh, heh. Give me the large size.

Carl held up the special condom, and said, “This is a medium.”

“You'd better make that a box of smalls, please.”

Later on that week, Carl had lunch at the Eat Shop with a couple of business associates. Joining my dad, were Herb the jeweler and Evelyn who owned the dress shop down the street. Carl sat next to Evelyn in the booth. Halfway through lunch, my dad faked a cough, reached into his back pocket to get his hanky, and out fell the rubber onto the seat between Carl and Evelyn. After taking a second to look at the monster, Evelyn remarked, “I don't know if I should pity Faye, or be enormously jealous.”